… shaking it off… and heading out in search of balance…

Posts tagged ‘resolutions’

going off the deep end

so is it weird that i wanted to watch a show tonight just b/c the previews include the brandi carlile song, “dreams“??

the new show is “the deep end” and i guess it’s supposed to be about first year attorneys in a big firm in LA. so far i’m not very impressed.. but i suppose i’ll give it another shot next week. i just don’t understand why these shows about firms/attorneys are so far from reality… no one in the firm is nice to the new people? all the attorneys are rude to the staff? every person is a slut???

tangent right out of the shoot?!?!? NICE!

anyhoooo… i dont have that many comida photos b/c i posted breakfast this morning

and the lunch i was supposed to eat yesterday, was also already posted.

wow, cool blog post tonight, huh???

have no fear! being short on words is seldom a problem of mine. so of course, i have a few other things to say!

first off, i realized last night that my chip drawer is so full it’s embarassing! and then i thought, heyyyy i know someone who will be impressed.. ALLI!!

apparently we’ve been into buying healthy-ish chips lately…

another thing i’ve been into buying… is nut butter! and here’s where i go off the deep end again… for some reason when i attempt to eat healthy and get things in order i have a huge fear of fat!! now obviously i don’t always have this fear… b/c if i did, i’d probably be too thin, which is clearly not the case.

but when i attempt to make better choices and go on, say… a healthy binge!??! fat freaks me out!!
so after reading some healthy living blogs and starting my own journey, i was intrigued by how many people love nut butters… i thought i’d give them a try, and as it turns out… i too love them!

but then suddenly… TOTAL PANIC!! nut butters have quite a bit of fat!! i can’t eat those AND lose weight! i know people say the nut butters are healthy, and that they actually lost weight when they started eating them… and i know this all takes eating anything in moderation into account… but i just can’t stop fretting and worrying about a single bite of nut butter going down my pipes and immediately latching onto my ass!!!!!

to conquer fear, i did this last night:

(there were also pretzels involved)

and how do i feel you might ask???

TERRIFIED!! i spent the whole day today wanting to eat peanut butter but being too scared…

like i said… off the deep end!

so after freaking out all day about fatty nut butter i jetted home after work, knowing i promised to make my friend JR breakfast pizza for dinner, spiralized some potatoes and then hit the gym for a quick/intense workout before he showed up!

you can’t see me, but trust me… i have my proud face on! normally i would have said, well, i have company coming over, there’s simply NO time for a workout. good grief, what has 2010 done to me!??!

breakfast pizza got the thumbs up!


for the masses:
– an italian herb flat out
– TJ’s pizza sauce
– spiralized yukon gold potato pre-baked (they stuck to the pan, so this needs a remedy)
– pancetta
– scrambled egg
– sprinkle of shredded cheese on top

then some franks to top it off… b/c everything is better with FRANK

for me:
– flat out
– TJ’s pizza sauce
– scrambled egg
– spinach
– artichoke hearts
– sprinkle of shredded cheese
and… FRANK

served with a basic salad (mary’s crack makes great added “crunch” to a salad!!)

and to tie it all together… a bogle chardonnay in the good ol’ WUPILP (willamette university public interest law project) auction glasses. back from my days of saving the world one unpaid legal internship at a time!

i even packed up a dinner to send with JR for his wife Nikki b/c she was taking a class and couldn’t join us for dinner..

i’m being healthy AND nice?? someone check my temperature!!

after dinner we lounged…

some of us with our tongues out…


some of us without…

and some of us still on bed rest due to back injury…

poor little dude!

SO… not that it’s worth going off the deep end for, no matter what the answer is, but… my fear of fat… mainly nut butter fat… is it rational? are nut butters reserved for people who are already at a healthy weight?? or can i eat nut butter and still lose weight??

feelin the burn

well, i took the plunge!

noooo i’m not married… it aint gonna happen people!

but i did; however, get on the scale this morning… wrote the number down, subtracted from the goal and was left with a disgustingly large number.
ughhhhhhh… seriously!?!??!
do you ever stop and wonder… how did i get here??

BUT, that being said… i was proud of myself… b/c i marched out of the bathroom and got on with my day!!

a tip of the proverbial hat to mama pea for suggesting that i a) magic bullet up the spinach and almond milk for my smoothie before adding anything else and 2) shaking the magic bullet when it gets stuck (if anyone official from magic bullet reads this… i NEVER shook the magic bullet while using it… my friend suggested this and i told her i was pretty sure that was not recommended and that b/c i cared so much for my magic bullet, i would NOT engage in said activity… oh wait… like anyone official from anywhere reads this blog… hahahahahaha alas, it was fun to pretend!)

ANYHOOOO… the result…


– spinach
– chocolate almond milk
– greek yogurt
– blueberries
– ice

then continuing my productive morning, i packed my lunch!! look at me goooo!!

pretty good huh?
right, well, i never ate it… b/c i totally forgot the food cart “big ass sandwiches” (that’s right) was donating 100% of their profits and tips to the relief effort in Haiti today, i, well, i…. they were donating the profits to Haiti!

suffice it to say it was a big.ass.sandwich! i took off half the bread though… that’s gotta count for something, right??

ok so LUNCH = HEALTHY LIVING FAIL

BUT… i’m confident i made up for it when i hit the gym tonight… i was ready to roll, and elipticized my a** off for 25 minutes pretty much as hard as i could go with varying intensity for those 20 minutes, and then i switched it over to the treadmill (ughhhhhh the freaking treadmill) and walked for another 20 minutes, varying from walking fast at a mellow incline and then walking a little slower but at a much steeper incline…

I AM FEELIN THE BURN!!!

after the gym, i sucked down a LOT of water, stretched, and dove face first into dinner!

anne was super nice and made one of my favs… taco salads!

we snagged this salsa at whole foods tonight and it’s definitely a keeper!!


and in case anyone is wondering who makes the best guacamole in the history of the world… the answer is ANNE!

okayyyyy so now it’s thursday morning… for some reason my internet just went completely down last night, right before i posted… what the!?!?!?

but that’s ok b/c it allowed me to wake up STARVING this morning, and inspired to throw down a KATIE inspired banana hammock!!

perfectly ripe (interpretation slightly green) banana, drizzled with almond butter, dusted with dark chocolate cocoa powder and a few crushed up pretzels…

and i’m out…

i resolve to…

become the healthy person i’m dying to be

like most people i’ve talked to lately, i don’t really believe in new year’s resolutions (although last year we did resolve to watch all of the films that have won the oscar for best picture… i didn’t beat myself up when i didn’t make it all the way through that list!)

but when i started this blog i wanted it to be a way to help me step off the rollercoaster i’d been on for most of my life (my weight, my activity level, my emotions, my career etc)… and while i definitely made some progress, i have been more relaxed and dishonest with myself about it than i want.

SO… i’ve decided to make more of a commitment to this little outlet… be honest in posting, admit my struggles AND my achievements (which are sometimes harder for me to admit than the struggles), and make a conscious committed effort to becoming the person i’m dying to be!

i hope you’ll join me, help me push myself, support me, and i think we’ll have some fun along the way!

2010 is going to be a great year!

not b/c it’s in the cards… but b/c i’m resolving to make it happen for myself…